I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Randomize
