I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
