you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
