i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
