2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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