So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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