You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
