So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
