we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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