im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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