I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
