it hurts more in the daytime
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
