Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
