3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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