I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
