I bet he comes in French.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
