I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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