I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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