At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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