You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
