At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
