i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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