I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
