If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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