I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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