the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath