I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"