Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.