I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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