She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
