I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
