thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
