Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We got so high we made milksteak
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
