He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
