Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
