Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
