I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize