so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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