The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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