Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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