my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
