I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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