That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Congratulations! We have a period
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