the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
