gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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