Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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