We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
