I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
