Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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