I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
