It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
