The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
