I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
