i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's shark week go big or go home
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
