i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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