i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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