I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
