one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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