my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
