Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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