I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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