Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
