omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize