Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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