I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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