I'm eating all of the evidence.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
