after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
