Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
