Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
