The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
