Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
