NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
