Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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