I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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