oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
